Taken from MSN.com
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=4573
By Margot Carmichael Lester “A friend set me up with someone and we were having a good time,” recalls Nate York, a Jewish bachelor based in Chicago. “I thought I might want to see her again, but I’m pretty observant, and I don’t want to date someone who doesn’t share that level of spiritual commitment. So I asked about her faith.” York’s date took umbrage at what she deemed an “intrusion” into her personal life. “She barely said a word to me throughout the rest of the meal,” he laments.
Many people adhere to the adage of not talking about religion or politics in social settings. For devout singles, however, that can pose special problems. Do you tell your date about your beliefs early on, or wait until you’re sure the relationship is going somewhere?
Despite York’s experience, most people agree it’s better to wear your faith — and your heart — on your sleeve. “If you feel that you would not want to get romantically involved with someone of a different faith, then your religious beliefs should be part of the initial conversations,” advises Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, a New York-based interfaith minister and creator of the “Find Your Soul Mate” course. “It is important to bring it up by the first date—or before, if you are having long telephone conversations or email exchanges prior to a date. If you practice your religion devoutly, that needs to be clear up front.”
Say It Proud
“If you’re a religious person and feel like your beliefs are important to you, then you should be able to talk about them,” adds Paige Harvey, a Christian single living in Nashville. “If you can’t, or are embarrassed, then you’re either with the wrong person or probably need to re-evaluate whether or not your religious beliefs are, in fact, deeply important.”
Talking about your religious beliefs not only helps you find a good partner, it helps you build a strong relationship. “If you keep something like your religious beliefs (which are so personal) from the person you’re dating, you’re robbing that person from truly knowing who you are,” she continues. “And you’ll never feel fully known or understood. You both lose.”
Start the Conversation
But how do you overcome years of social taboo and start the conversation? Kristina Grish, author of Boy Vey! The Shiksa’s Guide to Dating Jewish Men, suggests easing into the conversation. “Don’t bring it up out of the blue, because it sounds like you’re dropping a bomb that’s awkward for you to discuss,” she says. Instead, use a topic or prop from the date to segue deftly into a discussion of religion. “If you’re Jewish and your relatives keep Kosher, make a joke about not touching the pork on the menu or how your mom only eats really crispy bacon and even that causes Uncle Saul to schvitz,” she laughs. “Use what’s in front of you — food, atmosphere, mutual friends — as a catalyst for introducing a funny, comfortable anecdote about your beliefs.”
A Blessing In Disguise
Though York’s first experience discussing religion ended badly, he says he hasn’t changed his ways. “Sure, it hurt to have her turn off like that, but the truth is, I don’t really want to be hanging out with anyone that touchy, much less date them. I think it was a sign that she wasn’t right for me.” Being honest early on — the way York was — is the best way to get what you ultimately desire, according to Rev. Laurie Sue. “In the end, you won’t do either of you any favors by hiding it or holding back.”
Carrboro, NC-based Margot Carmichael Lester was raised a Southern Belle but never seems to find it too awkward to talk about religion or politics. She is the author of The Real Life Guide to Life After College and The Real Life Guide to Starting Your Career.
